I live in a house with the 3 most beautiful ladies on the planet. In that case, I’m incredibly lucky. My bride (I can’t disclose her age in fear of her retaliation) and my two daughters. They are 8 & 7. My oldest is 8 going on 22. My youngest is 7 going on a solid 14. They change clothes constantly. Sometimes 4 or 5 times a day. I grew up in a house with a mother and sister so I’m no stranger to the females in the house. I was however, a stranger on their laundry. This is not the case with my bride and our children.
My bride requests little of me around the house. She doesn’t make me deep sea clean. She does make me fold laundry. Not just my laundry. I fold women’s laundry. For you married men out there, if your wife asks you to clean, you clean. I’m here to tell you, the last thing you want to do is fold women’s clothing. Make the bed, clean the toilet, shampoo the carpet, do whatever you have to do to get away from folding women’s clothing.
Last week I was folding women’s laundry when I came across this red button up shirt. I looked at it and thought “What the hell is this?” It had these weird buttons on the end of the sleeves. I folded the end of the sleeves and it wasn’t right. I unfolded it, it still wasn’t right. Meanwhile, my bride is laughing the entire time. I’m struggling like I’m staring at a calculus test and she’s loving it! So I go for that damn button and you’d thought I pulled a gun on her! She yells with her arms out in there “NO!!! Don’t unbutton them!!” She proceeds to tell me if I do this, the shirt will fall apart. Least I think that’s what she said. I was so frustrated with it, I was happy to get rid of it.
As I sift through the usual guys clothes like one piece shirts, jeans with no holes in them, I run across what I thought was one of my daughters dresses. I put it on a child’s hanger and my bride starts laughing at me. This is a common theme while I am folding women’s laundry. It looked like a dress. It had plastic things inside of it by the straps. What are those for? How am I supposed to know that? After I stared at it for what seemed like an hour, my bride finally tells me it’s her tank top. I don’t understand half the things that are going with these clothes. Why are you spending $100.00 for jeans that have holes in them? If they are already ripped, why do they go on the hanger?
Routinely I am confused. I grab shirts with holes and question them and she laughs. I put the hanger in the head hole instead of the sleeves. Things go backwards and upside down. I feel like I need a 10 digit code to figure it out. It’s gotta be easier getting into Fort Knox than folding these clothes properly. On top of all that she makes me fold towels. So I said, “Sure! I’ll do anything to get away from this” I go about my business and it turns out I can’t fold laundry right either. Here’s how we fold towels in the Mooney house.
First you fold the towel in half the long way. Then you do that again. Next you fold it a quarter of the way. Once that’s done you do it again, and again. That’s 5 steps to fold 1 towel! Why can’t I just fold it like a normal person? So I figure I’ll outsmart her. Ha! You’d think after 13 years, I’d know better. i just kept doing it wrong hoping she would get disgusted and say, “Ugh! Just give it to me! I’ll do it myself!!” My bride is the most patient woman I’ve ever met. She showed me the proper way.
And so like the towels, she is slowly teaching me how to properly fold women’s laundry. What goes on hangers and what goes in drawers. Hangers have to be facing the left. Don’t touch any buttons. Make sure not to confuse my daughters clothes with my bride. Just because it looks like it could fit my daughters, doesn’t mean it’s not my brides. There are so many twists and turns with folding women’s laundry.
I guess all things considered I’m lucky. After 13 years of marriage we still laugh together. If it takes me looking like an idiot to see her smile, I’m all for it. Every once in a while, I catch a look of approval from her. I love that look. Truth be told, I look forward to folding women’s laundry. I wait for her to laugh, smile, and give me that look. Who knew it could be so rewarding? I’m guessing she does. She’s much smarter than me