The Man Flu

The man flu exists. Most men will compare it to Big Foot or the Loch Ness Monster, but I’m living proof that the man flu is real. It’s an epidemic that has been overlooked by many. 44 presidents have seen it and done nothing about it. Military hero’s and even Chuck Norris have seen it and ignored it. The man flu: enabling millions of men since the dawn of time to be lazy.

I’m a firm believer in super powers. I say this because my bride has them. I’m guessing yours does as well. If you think she doesn’t, that’s her super power. Her super power is to make you think she doesn’t have them. Then, when you least expect it, BOOM!! Powers unleashed and now you know she has more than 1.

I have literally seen my bride change a dirty diaper with one hand, in the dark, with eyes closed, with the flu, and do it effortlessly. 30 minutes later she can get up, get sick, prep a bottle, feed the baby, get the kids up for school, get herself ready, get the kids ready, make breakfast, do this all one handed because she’s holding a baby, wash dishes, fold laundry, tell me no, criticize me for not helping, paint the walls, read the paper, and volunteer her free time all the while with the flu and a fever of 103. And that’s all done before 8:30 in the morning.

Counter that with the man flu: I’m rocking a solid 98.7 with a little cough. I promise you that I will quarantine myself. You better stay away from dad kids because he has the bubonic plague!! I’m hitting the sweat pants up right away. I’ll complete the ensemble with a long sleeve t-shirt. If you have the gull to bother me while I’m on my “death bed” you’ll be greeted with a “groggy” voice, some made up sniffles and an over reaction of Kleenex next to me. Sure, my nose is red. Why? Because it’s been rubbed raw due to those “sniffles”. I’ll lay there with the Night Time Show and my sorrows.

My bride will check on me and ask if I’m ok. She may tuck me in and even fluff my pillow. Meanwhile, I’m living it up. I say “I” but it should really be “we”. Majority of men are like this. Some miss work for days. They get hungry in the middle of the day and yet they visit their local golden arch. Heaven forbid we actually get sick. Now it’s really bad. Sleep, hydrate, sleep, crackers, sleep, “Will you check my temp” sleep, can you—–“. It’s bad. It’s really bad.

So next time we get “sick” maybe we ask this question; “What did she do when she was sick?” I can almost promise you it was more than me, or any other guy. I hear lady’s often refer to having babies be a difficult task. Yes, I can imagine the watermelon out the lime thing is difficult. I understand it though because it’s science. What is more impressive is what they do when they are sick. It truly amazes me.

Now that I’ve outed every man in America I’m sure there will be backlash. I’ve made a lot of changes in my life. Here’s another I’m going to change. Next time I feel the man flu coming on, I’m going to have to sell it much better. I think she’s onto me. Another way she proves to me she’s smarter than I.




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